Disclaimer #1: If you read to the end, we promise that you will be able to read between the lines. Plus, there is a Q&A you won't want to miss. We’ve been very vague online and we are going to continue to be. For good reason. Think of it like a good puzzle, one that we can’t build without your support and help filling in the missing pieces.
For years many of you have walked alongside me on my journey, rooting for my path to motherhood. Some of you have become part of my life more recently, and then there are those of you that simply can’t keep up with every detail going on in our story. I know I sure can’t, at least not some days. It’s been a long road. There is no question about that. A beautiful-messy kind of road, but a beautiful road nonetheless.
Let me try to summarize. I was born without a uterus and found out at sixteen-ish (it’s a bit of a process being diagnosed with such a rare birth anomaly). I moved to Arizona and got married. I went through an adoption that didn’t work out, then started a surrogacy journey that also didn't get very far. Then I got divorced and relied very heavily on my Arizona friends (more like family) to pull me out of the slump that had really taken a toll on me. I felt like the cloud of divorce would never come off of me, and then, just like that, it did.
Although at the time, I was nowhere near ready to pursue motherhood again, I was presented with an opportunity that would be life changing.
Disclaimer #2: This is where things get cryptic...and they need to stay this way for the protection of more people than just myself.
At the time, a dear friend encouraged me to be part of something groundbreaking. Something that might bring me closer to having a baby. To someday be able to carry him or her. In my arms, in my heart, and in me. A baby that could have a biological tie to me (although anyone that knows me, knows that biological is truly not what it’s all about for me). A biological tie to me, but not a biological tie to the non-existent father. I would choose a sperm donor at the time (more on this part of the story later). I applied. I was miraculously accepted. Mostly because of my amazing support system and network, which is you!
Many of you may remember that time just over two years ago. I created a private group and posted regularly about what was going on. Then, as fast as life had brought me the opportunity, life changed again.
Sadly, another person who had the same opportunity, had things not work out for her. We were all shocked and heartbroken for her. Everything halted, as it should have. So many people needed time to process that, but it was more than that. Precautions needed to be taken so that her story would benefit those that would follow after her. She is probably the person I look up to most in this world and her story will not be in vain. So everything stopped, completely, and we all tried to rebuild with this amazing woman. To this day, she is a leader, an inspiration, and advocate. She went through literal hell so others could learn from what she went through. I know, I know...could I be anymore vague? Believe me, I probably could. I’m probably saying too much. I’ve had a lot of questions and I want to do my best to bring justice to the story that is not just my own.
Skip forward to life when this part of my motherhood journey went on hold. Life had to go on, and boy did it. Again, at super speed. On Memorial Day just under two years ago, I got a phone call that would stop me in my tracks. My mom had been life-flighted to Salt Lake and was about to fight the battle of her life. When I got the call, I got in my car and raced from Arizona to Utah. I didn’t actually know how critical things were and I intended to come back. But I didn’t. Not more than for a wedding I could not imagine missing and for my sweet dog. I never thought I would move at a moments notice, but for this, I didn’t hesitate. Thank goodness I had been planning to move to Cleveland and had consolidated all of my things already. It seemed like timing was up to something, even though I couldn’t begin to comprehend it at the time.
The next year would be a whirlwind. My mom's journey was a story I was only a part of, but it would be the building blocks to put my life together in a way I could have never orchestrated myself. What an honor it was to fight alongside her and find value in sweet precious time. I’m so grateful for that time...all of it...as hard as it was, even the most devastating moments. At the end of the day, I thank all of the lucky stars that my mom is doing wonderful and gets to be a part of my journey still.
Fast forward to John and I, or perhaps skip backwards. The moment I started praying for the right partner to be brought into my life, was the moment my life completely changed again. Supersonic fast! It was all so clear. The person that had been my “best guy friend” since I was eighteen was “the one” for me. He’d been there all along. When I needed a sperm donor, he offered. When I needed a break from the hospital when my mom was there, he came just to eat a hot meal with me and to hug me as he wiped away my tears. When I was in Arizona, healing from divorce, he came to visit me. When I was in Nevada, he came to take me on a friendly date. He was even at my first wedding, supporting me like friends do. He truly had been everything to me and I still don’t know why it took me so long to see it.
I’m grateful I finally took the time to pray and I’m grateful our lives came together the moment I told him how I felt. It didn’t take him long to know he wanted to marry me. Really, I think he’d known that all along (or at least for a very long time). He proposed on Memorial weekend one year ago. I hadn’t even moved from Nevada to Utah, yet. Honestly, I was scared to move again, since I had just moved from Arizona. Ready or not, I knew in my heart this was right. Life was about to get really good. So, I took the leap, found the perfect job, and packed my car as fast as I had in Arizona. Off I went, as fast as I came. Phew, I often wonder how my family keeps up with me!
I hadn’t even fully settled in, when just over a month after moving, I got a phone call. It was from the opportunity I had had almost two years prior. You know, the one that will enable me to carry a baby? The one that had completely halted? The one that I was planning to become a single mom on purpose, and the one John had sincerely offered to be a sperm donor for? You know, the one I’m being so secretive about? Are we all tracking? Still here? Great! (Whew, it really is hard not to just come out and say it straight out).
I was brand new at my job and could not comprehend how things would work this time around. But this time, I would get to do this with John right beside me. Somehow, everything felt right this time. I wanted it so bad the first time, but I never had the peaceful feeling that everything was meant to be at the time. This time I do. So off we went. Even before we were married, we began long, frequent trips to Cleveland. First for a lot of testing and later to preserve embryos for the future. We could have never imagined we would need to go through three IVF retrievals or that they would all take place right before and after our wedding.
On February 18th, 2018, we were married in stunning Sedona. The highlight for me was getting to spend such quality moments with John’s kids. I’ve watched them grow up and it is such an honor to play a larger role in their lives now. I’m so grateful they support our journey and our story. After all, our journey means they will have baby siblings when they are adults. We all know that just has to be weird to them, although some of us who have younger siblings also know what an honor it is. Either way, it is such a blessing to have them in my life and to be a part of my journey as a mother. Whether it’s step-mom, dad’s cool wife (I hope they think of me as cool haha), or simply someone they can always depend on.
On to some questions we are being asked...
Q. Are you pregnant? Congratulations! A. Gosh we wish!!! Not quite yet. But hopefully very soon. We have to go through a really big, life changing surgery first.
Q. Are you pregnant with twins? (A lot of people are asking this and I love you all) A. Oh my gosh, do we wish! Nope, those are our frozen embabies in the wedding photos. We retrieved two the first round of IVF and they are patiently waiting for my surgery and healing before they can be transferred. When we do transfer, we will only be able to transfer one due to the anticipated high risk pregnancy.
Q. I’m so confused about what is going on in your journey. I want to support you, but I don’t know what I’m supporting. (We are also getting this a lot)
A. We can understand the confusion! Boy, it has been painful to be so vague! Please reach out directly and we can explain fully! We were advised when we signed consent forms this time around that it would be best to be discreet on social media. This protects not only ourselves, but also those we are associated with. As hard as it is to be so discreet, we believe in the value to protect ourselves and others. We want to honor that.
Q. When are you having surgery?
A. If all goes well, we will be "listed" the week of May 14th. We won't know when surgery is until we get a call to jump on the plane that day. It could be next week or it could be a long time from now. We are hopeful it will be all in perfect and divine timing.
Q. Can you please update me with details of your journey?
A. Yes, absolutely! It has been hard for us to be so quiet. Click below to be added to our list. You will need to agree to terms that you will not share our story online, with media or with anyone who might do either. Newsletter Update Form - Terms and Conditions
Q. Are there other ways to donate to your Cleveland fund? Are there any options that don't charge you or I fees?
A. Absolutely...and thank you from the bottom of our hearts! It has been a long road. One that has exhausted our savings...and there is still a long road ahead. The biggest one of our lives, actually! If not for the generous donations we are receiving, we would have to live outside our means to do this. We will never stop being grateful for every penny. There is truly no penny too small to help us along our way.
Here are the ways you can be the missing puzzle piece to our journey:
PayPal: www.paypal.me/fertilitycoaching
Venmo: @John-Gruendell and/or @Amanda-Gruendell
Transferable travel points
Monetary gifts: We have a “break in case of Cleveland” box for cash and gift cards. Travel, flight, car rental, grocery, restaurants, and pretty much every other gift card will come in so handy when we are far away from home for surgery. Not just for us, but our support system that we will need to be there for us as well.
Any resources and recommendations in the Cleveland area: We especially could use month to month lease options for when we are not at the hospital or Cleveland Transplant house.
Order "The Pie Pizzeria" from John: John has taken a second job solely to contribute to our Cleveland Fund and ensure that we won't be living outside our means to pursue. Order the Pie and if you get John and your delivery guy, tip him generously for his hard work. He will tell dad jokes and make you laugh!
Order flowers for your MAMMA! Amanda will be delivering flowers on mother's day to raise money to be a mamma herself. So order flowers for your mamma! If Amanda comes to your door, tip her generously for her hard work.She will brighten your day with her smiling ray of sunshine and flower bouquets.
Prayers, encouragement and love: Of course, the biggest request we have is to pray for us, encourage us, love us and give us the most uplifting positive energy. This journey has some really tough moments and we need all of the love, support and prayers we can get. WE LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH AND WE ARE SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOUR PRAYERS AND WELL WISHES!
FINALLY, SAVE THE DATE: Save the date for the Transplant Games of America 5K Run/Walk! We are planning a big event around this incredible Olympic type of event. Please mark it in your calendar to come support us, hear our story in person, and much more.
Saturday, August 4, 2018
Time: 8:00am - 11:30am
Location: Downtown Salt Lake City
Thank you for every prayer, every question, every penny and every lovely thought!
Photo credit: Every Emotion Photography www.everyemotionphotography.com